Wow. I haven't blogged in nearly two months. Bad me! Ah well, I can't say I've really had anything better to do, I just forget sometimes. So, what have I been up to? Well, until recently, sleeping ALL THE TIME. I'd literally sleep about 16-18 hours a day. It was mostly due to a couple of my medications that have since been discontinued, allowing me to theoretically be more productive. I suppose I've been more productive. I managed to crochet scarves and hats for my mom and sister for Christmas, and I've been a lot better about keeping up with chores lately. Gah... speaking of chores, I finally had to talk to Clayton about being such a slob. I love him to death, but it makes me resent him when I'm constantly either cleaning up after him or living in a pig sty. I take on a good share of the chores because I don't work as much as he does, but having to clean up the mess he makes when the trash can is mere feet away really gets my goat and I really don't think I should have to be his maid. He has been a little better since I said something, so I guess communication is good for something.
Oh! We got a Christmas tree! I was so excited to get it. Last year Clayton and I were super broke and didn't have one. I'd had Christmases where I didn't have a tree, but my parents always had one I got to help decorate, so it was kind of okay. But then they didn't have one last year either, so it was really kind of depressing for me because that's one of my favorite things about Christmas. The initial investment of getting ornaments, a tree stand, lights, beads, etc. was kind of pricey, but now we have everything we'll need for years to come aside from a tree and maybe a couple special ornaments a year. We spent pretty much the whole day yesterday decorating and doing Christmas related stuff, which really made me realize how much of a drag my husband was around Christmas. Clayton and I had so much fun putting up the tree, singing Christmas carols, decorating the living room, making clove-studded oranges and so on.
It really makes me wonder why I was with someone who didn't share my enthusiasm about such things. One of the biggest lessons I've learned since being with Clayton is that I shouldn't have to change myself for somebody. I was a different person around my husband. I wasn't allowed to be emotional or weird or slightly crude, and God forbid I should show even a hint of my insanity. I was constantly having to hide the real me because I felt like it would push him away. That was part of the nice thing about meeting Clayton in the hospital with no original intentions of entering a relationship with him. He got to see ME. The real me, uncensored, uninhibited, exactly as I am. And when it did lead to a relationship, it was great because I knew he loved me the way I am, not an image of myself I tried to project to get his approval. It's liberating.
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