Multitudes of confusing feelings flying through my head

The title pretty much sums up the situation. I've been having a lot of confusing feelings lately. They mainly center on the bf. In a lot of ways I'm scared to death of marrying him. We haven't been together very long still, and who's to say he won't get tired of me down the line and leave me? That's not so much about me having a lack of faith in our relationship, but rather a lack of faith in any relationship. Who in his right mind would ever want to spend his whole life with me? On the other hand, I want to marry him so badly it hurts sometimes. I am so happy that I never want to let him go. It's all very confusing, and I don't know exactly how it's going to pan out. I don't want my cynicism and fear to make me miss out on what could be my one chance at true happiness.

Religious education

I started going to church with the bf a few weeks ago. I'm glad he decided he didn't mind going back, because I really feel a great sense of comfort when we go. I've even started taking classes to join the Catholic church. The funny thing about it is that I never went to church growing up. I had a relationship with God and I believed in Jesus Christ and all that, but I never had a deep understanding of what it meant to be a member of a church and to be a good Christian other than avoiding doing bad things. Now that I've been learning more about the faith, it's really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I feel like some void in my life I didn't even realize was there has been filled. My faith was put on the back burner while I was with my husband because, well, he was an atheist and I didn't have his support for any religious endeavors. I realize the fallacy of that now. Because in a way, when my marriage fell apart I felt like I had nothing. My faith that I had ignored for so long didn't come back to me immediately and I felt completely alone in the world. It feels good to have it back, but I realize it could be lost again if I don't strengthen it and nurture it. Hence the classes. I never want to feel that alone ever again.