It's easy to point the finger

I am livid. So. Fucking. Livid. This time it's not my future ex-husband or a boss or anyone like that. It's my dad. He said one of the most ignorant and hurtful things he could possibly say, which was that it was my fault for "allowing" my husband to cheat on me. So he basically blamed me for the most painful event in my life. Okay, here's the scenario: You're a newlywed with horrible self-esteem and basically no income, completely financially supported by your new husband. You find out less than three months into your marriage that he's cheating. What do you do? Okay, so here was my thought process. First, I wanted a divorce. I confronted him about it. He said he would stop. I had a horrible gut feeling this was a total and utter lie, but I pretty much had no place to go, especially with negligible income at that point. Plus, having low self esteem, I thought "What man in his right mind would want me?" So I tried to believe he would stop, but it ate away at me. I never stopped my vigilant search for proof he was cheating. I never let my guard down. And eventually it got the better of me. My mental health was in the toilet, he wasn't even lying about cheating anymore, and I finally came into some money and had some income, so I decided I'd had more than enough and I left. My parents said I should have moved back home with them, but aside from the fact that I couldn't have brought my cat (who was essential to my happiness) with me, the fucking shame of admitting I'd married the wrong man so shortly after the wedding kept me from even confiding in anyone about it aside from my therapist. I didn't fucking "allow" him to cheat on me. I gave him a second chance I shouldn't have given him, but I didn't have a whole lot of fucking options at the time. Another reason I'm so mad at my dad is he keeps treating me like I'm so irresponsible. I am almost completely out of their pocket aside from my phone bill, which they pay because I'm an extra line on their plan. I have a steady job and so does Clayton, our bills get paid on time, I don't ask them for money, and we're starting to even put money away for things. I'd say that's a hell of a lot more responsible than I've been in the past. But it would be irresponsible to have a real wedding with a nice dress and all. My first marriage was the most painful experience of my life. On what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I don't want to be constantly reminded that I fucked up by going to a courthouse in a potato sack (I guess that's what he expects me to wear) and going to a shady motel across town for one night for a honeymoon. God forbid I should want to feel pretty and special for one fucking day! I don't want a $10,000 wedding. I don't want a $2,000 wedding. I don't care if we just go to a park with some rented chairs and a few flowers and get married by a justice of the peace then go back to Clayton's family's house and do a pot luck thing. I really don't. But I want to feel like I don't have to settle for absolutely nothing just because I've been married once already. I don't see why I can't have anything nice because bad things happened to me. I don't expect my parents to shell out a fucking dime for my wedding to Clayton. That's fine. They don't even have to fucking show up. I'll get over it. But don't call me fucking irresponsible when my bills are getting paid, our debts are being paid off, and maybe, just maybe, I want to save up money we can easily spare on something special. If they're not bailing me out I really don't see what the fucking problem is.