I feel worthless

My marriage still has me fucked up. I can't shake the mentality that I'm worthless, just because my stupid horrible son of a bitch husband didn't find me attractive, didn't respect me at all, and married me out of pity. It's gotten really bad. I've been having nightmares about him. And in all of them he's showing preference to other women and devaluing me and my feelings. I know his opinion shouldn't matter. I've got a man that loves me very much and treats me like an equal, but that fucking asshole is still in my fucking head!!! I don't know what to do. :(